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Change - Feel the Feelings!
“Don’t cry, it will be okay”. How many times have we heard
this growing up? Or how many of us tell this to our children?
Or to our friends or loved ones? Though it all may be okay
later, it can still be painful at the moment….ahhh, Change.
I recently attended a talk about change and the speaker
shared the same message I have been hearing over and
over again. The message is: whatever change you are
going through, (such as a job change, relationship change,
relocation) look at what the change is teaching you and think
and feel positive about it all. Though I do not discount this
message, it is equally as important to feel the not-so-positive
feelings of a change in order to live a full life.
Going through change evokes many feelings….feelings such
as: happiness, anxiety, uncertainty, frustration and sadness.
If we only focus on what the change is teaching and look only
at positive aspects, we are denying our full range of
emotions. It is ok to be pissed off about a change and to
really feel that feeling. If the feeling is denied, then that
emotional feeling may show up in different ways and in
different parts of our life, without us realizing or
understanding it.
Through most of my life I would characterize myself as
having a sunny disposition. I have felt unhappy, yet I would
not acknowledge it. Those around me would not know I was
unhappy…they would just see a big, smiling face. By
denying my feelings, I was also not acknowledging my full
self and was not living authentically. This also kept people
and experiences at a distance. The day I realized this was
many years ago. A new acquaintance told me that when he
first met me he thought I was just a big smile with nothing
behind it. Yes, that hurt and he was very right on. Nobody
knew what was behind the smile because I stuffed negative
emotions deep inside.
Things are different now and when dealing with change I
allow myself to feel all the emotions that go with it. And I not
only feel the emotion, I also purposely name the emotion I
am feeling….angry, frustrated, annoyed, etc. I have learned
to feel it, acknowledge it, name it and move forward.
So please, when going through any type of change, do not
ignore the not-so-pleasant feelings. By feeling and
acknowledging all of the emotions, positive and negative
ones, you will be able to process and move through the
change more fully and authentically.
**************************************************
written by Suzanne Coll
published in Women's Connection Magazine, Fall 2009
“Don’t cry, it will be okay”. How many times have we heard
this growing up? Or how many of us tell this to our children?
Or to our friends or loved ones? Though it all may be okay
later, it can still be painful at the moment….ahhh, Change.
I recently attended a talk about change and the speaker
shared the same message I have been hearing over and
over again. The message is: whatever change you are
going through, (such as a job change, relationship change,
relocation) look at what the change is teaching you and think
and feel positive about it all. Though I do not discount this
message, it is equally as important to feel the not-so-positive
feelings of a change in order to live a full life.
Going through change evokes many feelings….feelings such
as: happiness, anxiety, uncertainty, frustration and sadness.
If we only focus on what the change is teaching and look only
at positive aspects, we are denying our full range of
emotions. It is ok to be pissed off about a change and to
really feel that feeling. If the feeling is denied, then that
emotional feeling may show up in different ways and in
different parts of our life, without us realizing or
understanding it.
Through most of my life I would characterize myself as
having a sunny disposition. I have felt unhappy, yet I would
not acknowledge it. Those around me would not know I was
unhappy…they would just see a big, smiling face. By
denying my feelings, I was also not acknowledging my full
self and was not living authentically. This also kept people
and experiences at a distance. The day I realized this was
many years ago. A new acquaintance told me that when he
first met me he thought I was just a big smile with nothing
behind it. Yes, that hurt and he was very right on. Nobody
knew what was behind the smile because I stuffed negative
emotions deep inside.
Things are different now and when dealing with change I
allow myself to feel all the emotions that go with it. And I not
only feel the emotion, I also purposely name the emotion I
am feeling….angry, frustrated, annoyed, etc. I have learned
to feel it, acknowledge it, name it and move forward.
So please, when going through any type of change, do not
ignore the not-so-pleasant feelings. By feeling and
acknowledging all of the emotions, positive and negative
ones, you will be able to process and move through the
change more fully and authentically.
**************************************************
written by Suzanne Coll
published in Women's Connection Magazine, Fall 2009